“Lucifer, you old devil, wilt thou ne’er be cured of your lasciviousness, you monster?”
“I might have known it would be you catching me out, my old friend, you still as righteous as ever?” I sighed, bowing to the inevitable. He was always there to spoil my fun, I thought. Always. Without fail. Omni-something or other. Caught red-handed but then I have always been red-handed.
The girl was young and shy, an innocent. Pretty, of course, she had to be pretty, slight of body and completely bereft of worldly experience. A jewel whose sparkle I would gladly add to my unending collection.
I had been working my charm on her for a couple of days, ever since I spotted her working in the fast food restaurant. Well, I’m partial to anything flame-grilled as you well know. So eventually, under an intense charm offensive, she agreed to meet me after work for a coffee.
I, for the purposes of enjoying my regular seared minced beef sandwich with extra fries and a gigantic sugary drink which would rot my teeth if my pearly whites were even remotely mortal, looked like your average spotty feckless youth who would normally be rather shy and retiring. But when I saw the maiden Gwen behind the counter, I knew she would be absolutely perfect for what I wanted, something I realised I had sought for so long.
Gwendolyn Parks was barely 18, had just started studying nursing at a local college and needed to work to fund her studies; I instinctively knew she was having trouble with biology. Hi, I had said to her on our first meeting, placing my order for as burnt a burger as they could manage, plus extra large fries, you must be the prettiest girl in here! I’m Marvin, by the way (okay, I lied, that’s what I do, and do it so well, as it happens) and I’m majoring in biology and looking for some spare-time tutoring – know anyone who wants any help, do’yer?
Well, er, it depends on the cost, Gwen had timidly confided, leaning into me and lowering her voice to a whisper, biting her lip nervously. No charge, I said, all out of the, for want of a better phrase, the “goodness of my heart”. She brightened, so trusting, so sweet, so … unbelievably gullible. Oh yeah, she was ripe and tender, she would taste so delectable. I had seen the very likeness of her before. Oh yes. She could be a twin of … well, we never ever speak of her!
This was going to be so delicious, so much better than all those unrecognisably pork kebabs and “ground beef” knish I had devilishly managed to work into the Halal and Kosher food chains. That was chicken feed compared to this sweet savour.
So when Gwen finished her shift I took her for a coffee and happily gave her a few ideas for her next biology assignment, which she noted enthusiastically onto her well-thumbed notepad. She had never had Caribbean coffee before, so I got her a second, then a third and talked her into a fourth before taking her back to my room for further tuition, naturally.
Well, it wasn’t my room actually, but the boy that did have the room had been tempted to stay the night elsewhere with a rather ugly but buxom strumpet who was delighted to have some handsome boy pay more attention to her fat ass than anyone had ever done before.
I sat Gwen on the end of the bed, pointing out how hot it was in that tiny room, could I be so bold as to take off her sweater? Of course I could, she said, it was only natural as she was so hot, and I did.
And that’s when He put in an appearance, naturally, spoilsport that He is. Of course His appearance was not as Biblical as usual, that would be disturbing in what humans amusingly call the “real world”, in much the same way as me in cloven hooves and horns would give rise to a less than relaxed attitude towards me by any of my new acquaintances.
No, His appearance was young and tall and gangly, with a shock of curly red hair, wearing boffinish glasses and looking innocently nurd-like. He had a varsity sweatshirt with the number 7 on it, which looked quite cool, for Him. I immediately adopted one with 666 on it. In the state Gwen was in by then she wouldn’t have noticed my instant change of clothing.
It’s a fair cop, I said to Him, but now you are here, may I introduce you to my dear friend Gwen?
Of course, He said as always. He always was unnaturally polite.
As soon as they touched hands and looked into each other’s eyes, I worked my little bit of temptation magic.
Have we met before …? she had said to Him hesitatingly, chewing her lower lips exactly like … Her.
You look so familiar, He then replied slowly, His mind no doubt full of sweet memories of the past. He was lost in those eyes, so similar to another … another … virgin, so long ago. Eyes that He would never forget, but then He never forgot anything.
I let myself out of the room quietly.
I love to hover at bedroom doors listening proudly to the results of my brilliant temptations. Naughty, I know, but naughty is, well naughty is my thing.
And, while I love to revel in another of my supreme triumphs, probably the supreme triumph of my everlasting career, I swear that if Gwen screams out “Oh my God!” one more time tonight, then I’m going to be sick!
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