How to Tell When You’re Really Old! Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age by Kristi Porter

How to Tell When You’re Really Old – Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age, is the result of hundreds of interviews with children ages three to twelve, who were asked to explain how they could tell when someone was really old.

It began as part of a larger class project by teacher Kristi Porter and the children of Happi Kamper Child Care, located in North Muskegon, Michigan. Each child was to create an individual gift book for his or her parents, and How to Tell When You’re Really Old was simply to be one chapter in each child’s book.

Now, the individual answers of the Happi Kamper Kids, as well as those of the children at Community United Methodist Preschool and the kids of Power Play Childcare have been combined. Their candid, uncensored, and often hilarious answers will not only make you rethink the aging process, but are sure to become instant favorites for readers of all ages.

Targeted Age Group:: All ages

What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
It began as part of a larger class project with the children of Happi Kamper Child Care, located in North Muskegon, Michigan. Each child was to create an individual gift book for his or her parents, and How to Tell When You’re Really Old was simply to be one chapter in each child’s book. One thing led to another… and a whole series of books was born! 🙂

This is the fourth book in the “Funny Happens…” series.

Book Sample
… Old people don’t like to play anymore, so they just die. But I’m not really sure though, ‘cause I don’t know any old people. Maybe they all died. ~ Dylan S., age 4.
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… If you are old you have to like having stripes on your face, and wearing glasses and dresses all the time. ‘Cept old boy people, they just wear pants with no socks. ~Nick R., age 4.
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… Old people have melty faces, so they just pretty much stay home with their dogs. ~Sydney E., age 5.
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… Did you know that old people can get even older than dogs and cats? That’s probably why they scream when they look in the mirror. ~Lynn, age 4.
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… You know you are old when you are about 67, have age marks on your skin and lay down all day. Sometimes really old people like to play with their grandkids. And for some reason they actually like to clean the house – I don’t get it. ~Ben H. age 7.
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…Lots of old people go to restaurants and stores, but really old people go to heaven to be angels. ~Kayla M., age 4.
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… When you get to be really old you need a thing-a-ma-bobber to help you walk, and you don’t have any teeth so you just chew stuff with your lips. Sometimes old people like to snowblow with their snowblowers, but they don’t really like it if you throw snowballs at them. ~Landon, age 5.
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… Old people are grouchy and read newspapers all day. They have to walk really, really slow and never, ever play video games. But mostly the way you can tell if somebody is old is if hair comes out of their nose! ~Mason, age 4.
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… Old people look like grown-ups and live in regular houses but change their names to grandma and grandpa so everybody knows they are old. ~Julia M., age 3.
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… All I know is old people get mad at you if you bite them. ~Mikey, age 3.
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… If you are really old, they make you live somewhere else. Then you get older ‘cause they don’t let you go nowhere – except to take out the garbage. Old people love to take out the garbage. ~Mickayla, age 4.
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I know old people have brains that are tired – even in the morning; maybe that’s why they like to eat stuff like Sloppy Joes and broccoli. And their legs get tired if they walk too much, like a couple of miles or something, so then they have to sit down and rest. But mostly old people have problems remembering stuff. I think it’s ‘cause they lived so long their brains are all full and there is no more room left for new ‘rememberies’. ~Quinn, age 8.
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… Really old people look like a monster truck, only not so big. They can’t drive monster trucks; they have to drive tractors when they go to visit the other old people’s houses, but they do look like them. ~Ethan S., age 3.
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… How do I know when somebody is old? It’s easy, first you get wrinkles, and then you die. ~Sydney P., age 5.
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