Targeted Age Group:: 15+
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
I like to write and I had just finished writing my first novel “Ruins of the Fall: Tree of Might” and the themes were SO heavy! I needed a break, so I wrote something a little lighter. It’s a book of short stories were a guy gets to torture a vending machine and ants have religion.
How Did You Come up With Your Characters?
I think about someone or something I want to maim or torture, then I build a character around that concept. It really helps me exorcise my demons.
Something hits the cruiser so hard, it flips on its side. I’m a little dazed. I’m dazed and I’m pissed because now I gotta take medical leave because some schmuck couldn’t watch where he’s going. I crawl out of the cruiser, ready to make an arrest. When I get out of the car, I see him. A five-foot-eleven, Caucasian male with blond hair. It’s the Shoveler, but this time, he’s on a pony.
He points his shovel at me. “You spanked my monkey!”
I just shake my head because this guy…
“You laid hands on my monkey,” he says. “You spanked him and made him go limp!”
“Look,” I explain, “You just crashed my cruiser. I know you’re magic and all, but you’re really working my nerves. So I’m about to go back to the hospital and then go home. I strongly suggest you do the same.”
The Shoveler rears up on his pony and says, “Nay! You have spanked my monkey and now we must duel. I propose a race.”
“I’m not racing your pony.”
“Oh, yes, you are,” the Shoveler insists.
Something furry pokes out from in-between my legs. It picks me up and slides me down onto its back. It looks like a horse, maybe slightly smaller, like a donkey, or…
“This is my ass!” the Shoveler roars. “You will race my ass to the hospital. If you win, I shall forgive you. If not, I will kick a car with my pony.”
I look back at my flipped cruiser. It has hoof prints in it. I don’t think I want the pony kicking any more cars. Still…
“Hey, Buddy,” I say, “There’s gotta be another—ˮ
“You, sir, have spanked my monkey. Now you shall ride my ass!”
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