Eight dark and weird stories. Some darker than others. Yes, there are kittens in this book and there are some flowers. Blood will be spilled around both. Hang on tight! It’s gonna be a wild ride!
Targeted Age Group:: 15+
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
I like to write and I had just finished writing my first novel “Ruins of the Fall: Tree of Might” and the themes were SO heavy! I needed a break, so I wrote something a little lighter. It’s a book of short stories were a guy gets to torture a vending machine and ants have religion.
How Did You Come up With Your Characters?
I think about someone or something I want to maim or torture, then I build a character around that concept. It really helps me exorcise my demons.
Book Sample
Something hits the cruiser so hard, it flips on its side. I’m a little dazed. I’m dazed and I’m pissed because now I gotta take medical leave because some schmuck couldn’t watch where he’s going. I crawl out of the cruiser, ready to make an arrest. When I get out of the car, I see him. A five-foot-eleven, Caucasian male with blond hair. It’s the Shoveler, but this time, he’s on a pony.
He points his shovel at me. “You spanked my monkey!”
I just shake my head because this guy…
“You laid hands on my monkey,” he says. “You spanked him and made him go limp!”
“Look,” I explain, “You just crashed my cruiser. I know you’re magic and all, but you’re really working my nerves. So I’m about to go back to the hospital and then go home. I strongly suggest you do the same.”
The Shoveler rears up on his pony and says, “Nay! You have spanked my monkey and now we must duel. I propose a race.”
“I’m not racing your pony.”
“Oh, yes, you are,” the Shoveler insists.
Something furry pokes out from in-between my legs. It picks me up and slides me down onto its back. It looks like a horse, maybe slightly smaller, like a donkey, or…
“This is my ass!” the Shoveler roars. “You will race my ass to the hospital. If you win, I shall forgive you. If not, I will kick a car with my pony.”
I look back at my flipped cruiser. It has hoof prints in it. I don’t think I want the pony kicking any more cars. Still…
“Hey, Buddy,” I say, “There’s gotta be another—ˮ
“You, sir, have spanked my monkey. Now you shall ride my ass!”
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