Twelve year-old Michel’s freaking out as his snotty little cousin has gone missing from the garden. He sticks his head through a hole in the fence and is sucked into a giant vortex where he ends up in an infinitely long and mysterious corridor, with doors leading to many strange worlds. He also meets a pompous, food-obsessed, talking dog called Duke who happens to be searching for his equally fat brothers. Together they go on an adventure to hunt for their missing relatives, unaware that they are also being hunted by an evil power.
Elias Zapple was not born in 1922, as some would have you believe. His date of birth is not really relevant anyway. What is relevant is that he arose out of a tulip that was growing in some old granny’s garden in Camberwell. How he got to be in a tulip is not really clear, nor is it clear how he got out of the tulip and years later wrote the smash hit musical, ‘Love be a Stranger’, which was an international flop.
After that success, he went on to work as a 19th century Victorian chimney sweep where he was then inspired to write the acclaimed series of books entitled ‘Duke & Michel’. It is believed the fumes from the chimneys did so much damage to Elias that it was a miracle he ever ate a cupcake again.
Later, he time travelled back to the present and went on a series of trips to many foreign and distant lands. During these travels, Elias met and spoke to many interesting people, choosing to ignore all of them. He did, however, learn a couple of things. 1) The earth is flat and 2) You should never eat a banana when it’s not ripe.
Many questions are often asked by his adoring public. Are you human? How many chimpanzees can fit inside a fridge? What is that thing growing on the side of your head? To which Mr. Zapple has always smiled, turned away and swam off into the sunset. He was once bitten by a shark, who was then bitten by a giant turtle who got tickled by a pufferfish, which was eaten by a Japanese man who then died because he had insulted the wife of the Japanese chef who had prepared the pufferfish.
Elias Zapple continues to work towards the unification of Korea and writing children’s stories that parents will spend huge sums of money on. He wishes everybody to know that every penny made from the books will go straight into his bank account, which he will then spend on a lavish, new tent.