2 FUNNY 5-STAR MYSTERIES for the cost of one? BOGO! Grab this bundle now! PERFECTLY PICKLED and JUICY JERSEY!
If you’re looking for funny novels for women, packed with humor, chatty animals (in the guise of pets) — and recipes — look no further. Lund’s cozy mystery series – Books 4 & 5 – are hilarious light-hearted mysteries that blend delightful characters and great dialogue with a dash of thrillers and suspense. These cozy comedy capers whip up frothy fiction that’s sure to amuse Kindle readers.
BONUS: Chock full of delightful surprises, both mysteries finish with a bonus section of free recipes, vetted by Lund’s chef husband, for your culinary pleasure!
PERFECTLY PICKLED
Spring is here–things are looking up! Our hero, Mina, has a new car. And she even has a boyfriend or two lined up. But all hope of smooth sailing vanishes when she hits a bump in the road: she loses her job. Luckily, she stumbles upon a full-time job. A rather peculiar job, with some definitely odd co-workers. Who try to kill her–and Chef Jack.
JUICY JERSEY
Summertime, and the living is… not as easy as Mina had hoped. But, she finally has a full-time job, working alongside her new boyfriend, Jack (that is, Chef Jacque, when they’re at Squirrel Run Acres.) That’s good, right? Except when tempers flare hotter than fat on a fire. But Jack steps up to the rescue and splurges for a romantic get-away to Cape May, New Jersey. All is forgiven and soon sunset beaches wink from the distance, until their journey through Jersey stumbles upon the discovery of Babette Bernstein. Her murder launches a connect-the-dots of corpses that ripples dangerously around Mina and Jack. Oh–and the kidnappings, plural–are a little scary, too.
Targeted Age Group:: 29-85
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
Of course I'm a fan of Janet Evanovich… and then I became unemployed… and then found myself in some odd predicaments which quickly turned into, "fiction fodder." Really.
How Did You Come up With Your Characters?
Really, the voices in my head. They are named, for the most part, after dead relatives who are now systematically haunting me–I think they hold a grudge.</p>
<p>Mina Kitchen is actually the name of my great-grandmother, who I never met. And her catering disorder is umm… slightly autobiographical (I still can't bring myself to make potato salad with less than 5 pounds of spuds. I mean, really–who keeps just half a sack of potatoes in the fridge, anyway? It's all or nothing in our house.)</p>
<p>I keep track of the little things in life that I guess a lot of women run into… poking your eye with your mascara wand while driving in traffic, for example. Except for Mina, as she tries to wipe up the mess using her rear view mirror, she'll spy a corpse. Or armed thief. Or, a murder in progress at the hands of a delusional housewife having a deadly bad hair day.
Book Sample
PERFECTLY PICKLED:<br />
Gordon’s jaw dropped. “How did you find me here?”<br />
“Isn’t this your office?”<br />
“Goodness, no! I’m on the other side, with the other offices.”<br />
“Then where am I?”<br />
Sheldon’s voice sang forth: “Where the magic happens, baby. Where the magic happens.”<br />
Gordon groaned. “Look, you’re not easily offended, right? I mean, you really are from New Jersey, right?”<br />
“Umm… yes…”<br />
“Good. We could use another pair of hands.”<br />
“Huh?”<br />
He pulled me in by the elbow, and closed the door behind me.<br />
Directly in front of me stood Sheldon leaning over a casket. This in and of itself, was not unusual. What was a bit odd was Sheldon’s lying almost prone on top of the body, pushing at it with both hands.<br />
I stared. “What happened? Did it spring a leak?”<br />
Gordon rubbed his forehead. “Of sorts.”<br />
“You want to hurry, Gordon? I can’t stand here all day. I’m backed up to Sunday!”<br />
“I know, I know! But we’ve run out of tape!”<br />
What were they doing? Gift-wrapping the corpse? My thoughts flitted back to last Christmas… I swooshed them away.<br />
“Just give me what you have!”<br />
Gordon ripped off a short piece of duct tape, and shook his head. “It’s all we have left. But I think I have some in my stash.”<br />
Sheldon grunted and pushed harder. “Let’s give it the old college try. Maybe it’s enough?”<br />
Gordon approached the casket, bent over and tore at the tape. Then they nodded at each other, and stood back.<br />
A few seconds later, we heard ripping sounds. And that was when I saw the corpse’s pants rise like a teepee. Apparently, he wasn’t your ordinary stiff. He was a stiff with a stiffie.<br />
“Eww!”<br />
They shrugged.<br />
“It happens sometimes,” Gordon said nicely.<br />
“But it is problematic,” Sheldon added.<br />
“Yuck! Close the lid!”<br />
Gordon held the empty roll of tape, and put his arm around my shoulders. “You see, dearie, the family requested a full viewing.”<br />
I stared at the casket. “They’ll get an eye full, that’s for sure.”<br />
“Full viewing means it’s a full lid, or nothing. His casket’s designed for a full viewing. Not a half viewing.”<br />
“What?”<br />
“It’s not in sections. We can’t just close the lower half. There isn’t any.”<br />
Sheldon jumped in. “Which means we can’t cover up his yoder.”<br />
“Yoder?”<br />
Gordon rubbed what must be the beginning of a migraine, and shot an irritated glance at Sheldon. “That must be Amish. At least, I hope so.”<br />
Sheldon shrugged.<br />
“So what are you going to do?”<br />
Sheldon stepped in front of the door, barring my exit. “It’s very simple. You see, it’s only a temporary problem.”<br />
“Oh. So, then you can wait until it’s, umm… over?”<br />
“Unfortunately, the timing is not precise. It varies.”<br />
I looked at Gordon. He rubbed the back of his neck.<br />
“But it’s not that big a deal. It’s quite common.”<br />
“What is?”<br />
“Angel lust.”<br />
Holy hammer.</p>
<p>JUICY JERSEY:<br />
Krazy shook his head. “Boy, you guys sure have some dumb luck.”<br />
Feeling like a prisoner, I stared at the back of our driver’s head and silently concurred.<br />
“So, you’re friends with Helena, huh?” he asked.<br />
I took a breath, not so sure I wanted to divulge Helena’s lineage as far as Vito was concerned–although I guessed it was probably local knowledge. That said, Pieotre and Vito didn’t seem to be too chummy around Krazy. So I figured a little discretion wouldn’t hurt. “Actually, with Bauser. We just came to drop off Jim.”<br />
“Jeez, you find a stiff and then you gotta dog sit? That’s crazy.”<br />
“Actually, it was the other way round. And, yes.”<br />
“Yeah, you’re all from Pee-Ay, right?”<br />
I took another deep breath. “Yep. That’s where we live.” I didn’t want to divulge my Jersey roots, or Jack’s, either. With a moniker like Krazy, I thought it best to pull a poker face. I didn’t really want Krazy to illustrate his nickname–especially while driving.<br />
“Yeah, well. This is my turf. The old neighborhood. Been here all my life.”<br />
“Lucky you.” The rest of the neighborhood, probably not so much.<br />
“So your friend Ralph’s some kind of techie, huh?”<br />
I nodded. “He’s really good with IT.”<br />
Krazy snorted. “Yeah, I’m good with i-t, it, too. Ha, ha!”<br />
Oh, brother.<br />
After Krazy composed himself, he sailed through a stop sign. I watched horrified as a mom yanked her stroller back onto the curb. Well, it was nice she has a toddler to test the traffic with.<br />
“I guess he’s okay as technical help. I just don’t want him getting too involved with Helena’s business, if you know what I mean.”<br />
I huffed a little. “Actually, no I don’t.”<br />
He slowed down a little. “Hey, is that the dog there?”<br />
Jack and I watched as an old man walked his ancient poodle down the street. The dog was probably arthritic; it had a limp. “Nope, he’s not a poodle,” Jack said.<br />
“Yeah, you’re right. Besides, that one’s got all fours.”<br />
His powers of observation were astounding. I stared out my window, psychically willing Jim to appear. It didn’t work.<br />
“You see, Helena’s a great kid. But she hasn’t made the best choices in life.”<br />
Jack rubbed his forehead a bit. “You two must be close.”<br />
“Not as close as I’d like to be, ha, ha!”<br />
Jack raised an eyebrow.<br />
“Just kidding. Kind of. Known her since high school. Gosh, she was cute then. Sure wished she’d have joined the cheerleading squad.”<br />
“Why?” I asked. I mean, really?<br />
“’Cause I was the football captain, of course! See?”<br />
Yes, it was all perfectly clear to me. I must have let a little groan escape, which he took as a signal to continue. Oy.<br />
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing but respect for Helena. And her baby.”<br />
“Um-hmm.”<br />
“But she’s in a tough spot. I mean, the baby’s cute and all, but how you gonna raise a kid with the father in jail? Am I right?”<br />
“Tough deal,” Jack replied, rubbing his eyes.<br />
“Exactly. She can’t live with her folks forever. That’s why I’m helping her out.”<br />
“Pardon?” I piped up.<br />
“Hey, nothing she has to worry her pretty little head about. Just a little side business. To tide things over. I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?”<br />
“Right. Say, are there any dog parks nearby?” I hoped we could focus on finding Jim, before we were forced to hear more about Krazy’s fictional love life.<br />
“Hey, that’s a great idea! I think there’s a new one, over on Elm.” He hung a left at a traffic light, cutting off an oncoming box truck. I winced and white-knuckled the back of Jack’s head rest. I was beginning to get the gist of why folks called our driver Krazy.<br />
We cruised by a dog park, looking out at an empty field. Krazy pulled into the parking lot, taking up two spaces. “Want to check it out?”<br />
Jack mumbled something under his breath. “Sure. Why not?”<br />
“Couldn’t hurt, right?” I patted his shoulder from the back seat, just before I got out.<br />
Jack muttered something else under his breath that I think rhymed with truck. I glanced at the sun getting lower in the sky, and tried not to count the number of lost vacation days. We were closing in on two.<br />
We walked across the parking lot, looking around helplessly. We started across a field.<br />
“Hey, whoa! You guys, mind the land mines! Ha, ha!” Krazy was clearly in his element.<br />
We trudged along in the heat, calling for Jim. A little kid ran over to us. “Yeah? You call me?”<br />
“No, we’re looking for our dog.”<br />
“You have a dog named Jim?”<br />
I rolled my eyes, and opted for the shortcut. “Yes.”<br />
“That’s weird.”<br />
“Never mind. Have you seen a three-legged dog?”<br />
“A three-legged dog named Jim? What else you got; a one-eyed cat named Willy?”<br />
“Funny.”<br />
“Whatever.” The smart-mouthed kid bounded back across the lot toward his pals.<br />
Krazy looked around, shielding his eyes with his hand. “You know, except for it being so hot and all, this could be kind of fun. Maybe I should get a dog.”<br />
I envisioned Krazy walking an American Bulldog: Krazy, Jr. People are supposed to look like their dogs, right?<br />
We got back to his car, and Krazy blasted the AC. He opened a mid-section console, and broke out three mini-cans of Coke.<br />
“You’ve got a refrigerator in here?” I asked.<br />
“Special ordered. Helps when you know the right people. If you know what I mean.”<br />
I nodded, and gulped. I was afraid I did know what he meant. And hoped that if we didn’t find Jim soon, that Krazy had dog finding connections, too.<br />
Krazy’s smartphone rang. It sounded like the theme song to a game show. “Yeah?”<br />
After some uh-huhing, he hung up, after he issued a dismissive, “Thanks, babe.”<br />
“Girlfriend?” Jack asked politely.<br />
He snorted. “She wishes. That’s my friend with the ‘vette. But she didn’t see your dog.”<br />
“That’s too bad. Will she be back in the neighborhood? Can she keep a lookout?”<br />
“Kandy said she was nearby, getting her nails done. So, maybe.”<br />
My jaw dropped. “There’s a nail place in that neighborhood?” It looked completely residential to me. Then again, it wouldn’t be unusual for a Jersey neighborhood to have a back-door, word-of-mouth home business, especially where beauty parlors are concerned.<br />
“Got me. I don’t get my nails done.”<br />
My eyeballs spun back so hard in their sockets, I wouldn’t have been surprised to find them rolling around in the trunk. “So, I guess your friend will keep a look out?”<br />
“Sure. I’ll ask her.”<br />
I tapped Jack’s right shoulder; it was time he stepped up to the mano a mano plate.<br />
He winced. “Thanks, it’d mean a lot. Jim’s a great dog.”<br />
Krazy nodded. “Absolutely. Kandy Kane’s a good kid.”<br />
I stared, open-mouthed from the back seat. It was quite the nickname. It implied a lot of stuff I didn’t want to know, but I had to say something. I mean, really?<br />
“That’s quite a nickname,” Jack said, reading my mind.<br />
“No, honest. That’s her name. And she’s got a kid brother, named Andy. Her dad’s got a great sense of humor.”<br />
What was his name? Citizen Kane? Perhaps he had a brother named Abel?<br />
“Anyway, she’s a good egg. She’ll play ball.”<br />
Jack rubbed his face. “Nice to have friends like that.”<br />
Krazy grinned at Jack. “Especially, when they come with benefits, huh?”<br />
I noticed Jack’s shoulders jerk up and down quickly. “Whatever.”<br />
I poked the back of his arm, just as we approached a yellow light. Krazy gunned it. Tires screeched on either side of us. I squeezed my eyes shut while throwing my arms around Jack’s head.<br />
“Sure is funny about your buddy being so attached to some mutt. I don’t get it. But then, my old lady wasn’t big on pets. Wouldn’t let me have one.”<br />
“Mothers can be fussy sometimes,” I ventured, after Jack unwrapped my hands from around his face. It couldn’t hurt to be polite to the nice whacko driver, no?<br />
Krazy shot me a funny look, taking his eyes completely off the road. We missed a mini-van sailing past by inches. I tucked my head in my lap.<br />
“Say, you’re girlfriend’s cute.”<br />
Jack unpeeled his fingers from the dashboard. “Yep. That’s what I always say.”<br />
Krazy issued forth a guffaw. “Man, she’s got you PW’d. I feel for you, bro. No offense, Mina.”<br />
I let out a breath that I hoped wasn’t my last, given this lunatic chauffeur.<br />
“Naw, Kandy’s been a great ‘friend with benefits’.” More ha ha’s blasted forth.<br />
“Being single has its upside,” Jack answered nicely. I poked him hard on his shoulder.<br />
“Hell, I’m not single. Used to be married.”<br />
“Divorced?” Jack asked.<br />
My, my, what a surprise.<br />
“Nope. Actually, widowed. Going on three months now.”<br />
I stared at the back of his head. Clearly, he wasn’t heartbroken.<br />
“Damndest thing, too. Lena never walked anywhere. She drove everywhere; even around the corner to see her Ma. Then, one day I come home and find the cops knocking at my door. They found her under a bus.”<br />
If poor Lena had been married to Krazy for more than an hour, she probably dove under the bus of her own volition.
Links to Purchase eBooks – Click links for book samples and reviews
Is this book in Kindle Unlimited? Yes
Have you read this book? Tell us what you thought! All information was provided by the author and not edited by us. This is so you get to know the author better.
