Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Dr. Thomas Jordan is a book about learning how to work on your love life.
It was written for people who need to begin working on their love lives.
After 30 years of clinical research and treatment of patients with unhealthy love lives, Dr. Jordan a New York City psychologist and psychoanalyst, discovered that most people are not in control of their love lives. Why?
Because most people don’t know what they’ve learned about and from the love relationships in the course of their lives. Love relationships that started in their families of origin the moment they were born. If you don’t know what you’ve learned about love relationships, then what you’ve learned is in control of your love life, healthy or unhealthy. If what you’ve learned was healthy, there’s no problem. If what you’ve learned was unhealthy, you could be unwittingly making the same love life mistakes over and over again because of what you’ve learned.
Learn to Love will show readers how to identify what they’ve learned about love relationships, how to unlearn what was unhealthy, and practice something new, healthy, and the opposite of what you’ve learned, now as a corrective in your adult love life. This simple learning formula has helped many of Dr. Jordan’s patients to begin taking control of their love lives, and as Dr. Jordan explains in his book, it even helped him improve his own love life. This book is an easy to read and highly effective way of learning how to take control of your love life.
Targeted Age Group:: 21-60
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
Working as a clinical psychologist over the years in New York City, so many of my patients came to treatment complaining of love life problems. I wanted to understand more deeply why this was happening, and help people with love life problems more effectively. My book is the product of my clinical research and treatment experience working with love life difficulties. I also had made changes in my own love life applying the method I talk about in my book. I wanted to publish a book that allowed my readers an opportunity to apply my method to their own love lives with the same degree of success.
This is not a book about love. This is a book about love relationships. About the relationships we form, healthy or unhealthy, when we fall in love. A healthy relationship nurtures love, an unhealthy one stifles it. Furthermore, the type of relationship you tend to form in love is not something you are born with. It is learned, consciously or not, and it’s usually unconsciously learned. That means most of us don’t know consciously what we’ve learned about love relationships.
Here’s where it gets really interesting. Consider the divorce rate, around 50% according to the latest statistics. You have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced when you marry, that’s considered no better than chance. If the rela- tionship you form when you marry is determined by what you’ve learned in the course of your life, then, if you found out what you’ve learned about love relationships, could you then change it and learn something else? Improve your chances of finding and sustaining love beyond just chance?
This question has been on my mind for quite a long time. A long time because I did not have a ready-made answer for it. It took years of clinical research to come up with a tentative understanding and years more to find some of the indisputable facts provided in the pages of this book. The answer to the question, by the way, is a resounding yes. If you know what you’ve learned about love relationships, you can change it and improve your chances of finding and sustaining a healthy love relationship. Otherwise, what you’ve learned stays in charge of your love life, unbeknownst to you. The trouble is, a healthy love relationship may not be the objective of what you’ve learned.
Most of the time we talk about love as a coveted state of mind and heart without an understanding or even an awareness of what it takes to have and hold onto a healthy love relationship. We’ve relegated love relating to something innately given and taken for granted. We don’t bother to think that our love lives like any other important area of our lives has dynamics that are understandable and can be improved upon if necessary. I’ve learned that a big part of the problem is what we learn about love relationships in the bosom of our family of origin. If you haven’t already noticed, it has only been in recent times that our society has had the nerve to question what happens in family life and its connection to how well or unwell we feel. We used to just leave that alone.
Now that the “family of origin” is understood to be a primary source of what we’ve learned about love relationships and other important topics of interest, we can now take a closer look at this earliest of emotional classrooms and begin to understand what was learned there. Believe me, our purpose is not to aimlessly disrupt this sacred place. But to find the information we’ll need to understand and own our own love lives.
Dr. Thomas Jordan
New York City
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