“Don’t Eat the Scraps” describes the crucial and (as of now!) unknown theory of a behavior that men exhibit in the first six to eight weeks in dating. Women everywhere find themselves scratching their head, asking themselves the chin-quivering question, “Where did it all go wrong?”
In a lighthearted, provocative and hilarious way, Jules lays out all the things that women need to know in order to navigate, step-by-step, through the first months of any relationship, armed with some of the soundest Jules’ Rules dating advice they’ll ever receive to overcome future hurdles (and scraps!). It is a one-stop guide to thriving in the murky waters of the dating world… and have a few out-loud chuckles along the way.
Why aren’t MEN allowed to read the book, you ask? It is not a male-bashing book by any means! But if they were to become aware of their own unintended pattern of scrap-flinging behaviors, they would start implementing anywhere from minuscule to dangerously large changes that would ultimately affect the entire balance of this delicate relationship equation.
Armed with this new alarming knowledge, men’s behavior would most certainly morph into some kind of odd and unique strain of the original virus that would be much harder to identify, combat, and eventually eradicate! We simply need more women to understand that this pattern exists so that we don’t misconstrue their intentions, and we can all live harmoniously.
So please, for the sake of all man and womankind, no men allowed…
A MUST-READ, hilarious and considerate insight into how men and women interact and ultimately misunderstand each other’s intentions. Here’s the secret key to go from “Scrappiness” to “Happiness!!”
Targeted Age Group:: 21-59
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
I have been teaching women this fun theory of dating for the last 15 years! It arose out of my own dating experiences in New York City and seeing this strange pattern of behavior emerge in the first 6 to 8 weeks of dating. Back to back relationships (including my husband of 15 years!) all seemed to follow this same pattern of behavior. For all these years, every time I found myself in a position to explain the theory, the women around me have listened with eyes wide and their jaws on the ground, saying "You have to tell people about this! You have to save them!" And I have story after story of amazing women who feel like this advice they received has significantly attributed to their happy marriages today! Written over the span of 10 years and encompassing some of my friends' stories from the day I gave them this advice to now when they're married and happy with kids, this hilarious and oh-so-true theory is finally coming to light. Hopefully more and more people worldwide will firmly clamp their mouths shut in the silent war against the Scrapsters… and laugh all along the way at the wisdom they've gained!
1—WHEN A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST
Welcome to the introduction of a little-known but powerful concept that might in fact one day save an exciting new blossoming relationship that suddenly takes a downturn, or may be the pivotal turning point for that one friend of yours who just can’t seem to find that great guy you know she’s destined to eventually discover!
Just like all existing theories, it’s very hard to ascertain if you are in fact the absolute first person to ever give birth to the concept, or if others have come boldly and bravely before you. You may think you have a wonderful idea, and in fact even remember the exact moment that you brilliantly thought of it, only to find out that it’s old news in someone else’s book.
It’s admittedly a big bad world out there, and it would be irresponsible of me to assume or confidently state that no one has ever discussed this very same phenomenon that I’m attempting to disseminate in this book. It wouldn’t be unheard of for some sage person to come forward and say, “Oh yes, of course! I came up with that thesis years ago. I call it the ‘Triple Camelback Twist.’ How dare you act like you made this up? Who do you think you are?!”
But I can say this: If you are in fact the originator of the Triple Camelback Twist or the like, and you have already previously put into words this concept, behavior patterns, and ways to overcome the deadly algorithm that occurs repeatedly in the first six to eight weeks of dating, then you have done a TERRIBLE JOB of making it known to the world.
There, I’ve said it. I can honestly say that you seriously need a better publisher or marketing director, and I therefore have no qualms whatsoever about distributing my Scraps Theory with abandon. Because goodness knows, the world needs to receive this message faster than you are managing to make your microscopic waves. If no one knows about it, then it's as if no one has done it—like if a tree falls in the forest… well, you get the idea.
The deciding factor for me was a few months ago, when I was out at dinner with my good friend Cyndi, along with five of her girlfriends I’d just met who all happened to be lawyers. (I was feeling quite confident of being covered across all situations if something were to be amiss that evening.) One of Cyndi’s friends, Candice, regaled us over brick oven pizzas and martinis, with talk of her new-ish relationship, and the age-old tale of, “It was all going so well. I don’t know what happened.”
I sat there listening to the details of her version of “he said, she said,” and clearly saw the cracks in the proverbial roadmap. I matter-of-factly began to offer my Scraps Theory, and before I knew it, all 6 of them were staring at me in silence, mouths agape.
Candice gasped, “Oh my goodness—that makes so much sense. Everyone needs to know this! You need to tell people! No, you don’t understand. You need to HELP them!” And this was about the seventeeth time I’d heard words to that effect from either a distraught friend or a group of women after I explained the basics of the theory.
In each case, none of them had known that the scrap dance even existed, much less how the premature gulping-down of those carelessly strewn nuggets has the power to deliver the silent demise of their relationship that they all think is going so swimmingly.
So, if you are someone who believes you’ve already come up with this idea previously, then my sincerest apologies. I promise that I have no intention of recycling anything that was already out there readily improving the quality of life of others. However, it was becoming more and more apparent to me that it was finally time to do my humble part in delivering this delicate theory to the wider populace, in the hopes it can eventually reach the farthest corners of the globe, to comfort and support any woman worldwide in need of answering the chin-quivering question, “Where did it all go wrong?” Together we can save so many.
2—THE SCRAP PACT
Before we launch into it, we do just need to get one “housekeeping” issue addressed right off the bat. This is not a male-bashing book in any way, shape or form. The sole reason it is severely marked “For Women Only” is simply due to the fact that this book describes a behavior that men perform, but they are UNAWARE that they are doing it.
Now, if we wanted them to change, then certainly we could have them read all about it, no problem! But noooooo—we are NOT trying to change their behavior in any way. On the contrary, we want them to keep on doing what they’re doing.
We just need more women to understand this concept that I’m about to describe so that we don’t misconstrue their intentions, and we can live harmoniously. The more educated we become about the fact that this behavior does in fact occur, the more everyone can go about their merry way!
You may be familiar with the common science fiction thriller concept, as in the movie, “The Butterfly Effect,” wherein someone can massively alter the future by going back in time and changing events that have occurred in the past. When this happens, everything ultimately gets completely screwy. People start disappearing out of photos that they used to be in, children never are born, your mother ends up not being your mother, and general mayhem ensues.
Well, it stands to reason that the same dire consequences have the potential to occur now that this top-secret concept is finally and delicately being brought to light.
If men were to become aware of their own unintended pattern of scrap-flinging behaviors, they would start implementing anywhere from minuscule to dangerously large changes that would ultimately affect the entire balance of this delicate “relationship equation.”
In fact, armed with this new alarming knowledge, men’s behavior would most certainly morph into some kind of odd and unique strain of the original virus that would be much harder to identify, combat, and eventually eradicate.
Therefore I can’t emphasize enough that it’s of the utmost importance for all women everywhere to make a pact, though admittedly it may seem extreme: If you see anyone of the male gender reading this book, you MUST (without hesitation) leap forward energetically, grab it out of his unsuspecting hands, shout, “It’s for the good of womankind!” and run like a maniac in the opposite direction.
Now in the day and age of e-books, I’m fully aware that this task becomes incredibly more complicated. But in taking a hard line with this, I must suggest that every time you see a male specimen reading any kind of e-book, or even perhaps squinting at his phone (which will ultimately become their only hope), you must peer over his shoulder to see the small print at the top, secure the device, and throw it into the closest water source, if the title of this book reveals itself.
I realize that there are inevitably those who may feel this is a tad bit reactionary, and believe me, I understand your initial reluctance to carry out such an aggressive counter-maneuver. But I will remind you, it has taken years and years for this concept to be formulated and finally be brought to the surface. All it would take is for men to begin to become uber-aware of their actions (because they really do have NO IDEA that they do this), and before we know it, the behavior will spiral and evolve into something more deadly, more sinister, and more complex than ever before.
Even more importantly, all the women who have up till now been immeasurably helped by finally understanding this issue and being confidently aware of how to navigate the murky, scrap-filled waters, will once again be thrust into darkness, and it may take another 50 years or so before a new cure or workaround is established. I don’t have to tell you how detrimental this would be, for all relationships everywhere.
When you think about it, we are protecting the men too, since it all works out for the best on both sides when the scraps are interpreted and navigated properly.
Therefore, I’m sure you’ll agree that the benefits of keeping the “Scraps Theory” a world-wide massive secret far outweigh the potential embarrassment of ripping the electronic or hard copies out of their unsuspecting furry hands, and even perhaps braving the occasional arrest for allegations of inflicted stress or property damage against us.
(Note: As long as there is a female police officer in the vicinity of the station, these charges will simply not stick. Even as we speak, the Scrap Defense is becoming more and more widely embraced in all such reported cases globally.)
So hopefully we can all just agree to stand unified in protecting what we hold dear—and let’s move forward!
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